I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i've created a new STD.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
