I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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