He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
