I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
