I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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