were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
