I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
