just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
