i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i drank out of a bidet.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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