I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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