Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
