My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
