i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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