Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
