Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
