i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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