DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
