you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
