Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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