we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
