you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
