he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
