i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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