Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
