So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
