Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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