I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
