My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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