I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
