I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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