I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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