WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
