girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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