Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
