living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
