she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
