Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
