I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
