I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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