Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just gargled with NyQuil
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
