Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
