Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
