enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
