okay pat passed out under dana's car
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
