Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
