i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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