You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
