3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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