In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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