Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
