the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
