I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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