How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
