Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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