i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
